guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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