The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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