So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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