no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
