I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
