im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
