its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
