you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
