I'm so fucking centered right now
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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