Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
