Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
