Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
