My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
