Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
