I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
they need to just BURY HIM!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
