I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
