Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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