I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
