In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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