I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
