My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
