turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
