my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
