Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
