so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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