I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
