I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
