sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
