i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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