I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
