Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
