Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
