im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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