And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
