I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
