I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
