Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
