Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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