You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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