I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
