I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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