just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
