Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
