you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
