Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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