Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
