Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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