You work out of a Hotel?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nutella sex= disaster
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
