I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
