Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
