I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
