I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
