I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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