When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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