my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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