Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
