Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
