So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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