i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
