Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
