My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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