dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
