I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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