We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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