We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
