Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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