now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
