and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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