I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
